My life - Part 9

Growing up was not easy for me. I was a clumsy child - big for my age both in height and in weight, and not at all attractive. When I was 6 and had to go to kindergarten, I couldn't stop crying the whole week that I was there, because I couldn't understand why my parents who were my whole world at that time, would abandon me with strangers, random people that I don't know and I don't like. One of the teachers told my parents that I was crying all the time and not learning anything. I heard my mother tell my father that it was very shameful, for such a big bull to be crying all the time (the big bull was in reference to my size, I was big for my age) and I remember thinking, I may be big in size but I am still only just 6, like everyone else at school.

Anyway, I resolved never to cry again in kindergarten and I never did. This was the beginning of 2 episodes in my life - I hated teachers; I was convinced that all teachers were out to get me, and whilst I had already learned how to hide my actions from my parents (for eg, at one time I was fascinated with soap and I used to steal soap for my collection without my parents ever knowing - Johnson & Johnson was, and still is my favorite brand of soap, and stealing Milo every so often then feigning ignorance when my mother complained to my father about how fast the Milo finishes) I also learned how to hide my thoughts and feelings from my parents, and later, from everyone, including myself.

I became the master of my own deception.