At 10 when I discovered I could be clever, I still had pretty low self esteem because I was fat and dark. Fat I didn't really care too much about because I could change that if I wanted too, but I didn't at that time because I loved food and Milo too much. Being dark was a problem.
So I pushed myself to be active in all sorts of activities, I played piano, I joined all sorts of sports clubs and societies in school, and I ensured that no one would be better than me in English. I did all these to protect myself, so that if anyone teased me about my weight or my skin colour, I could make myself feel better by telling myself at least I can play piano and they can't or at least I'm in the choir club and they are not. This made me feel better on most days, but not all the time. There was always the underlying feeling that I will never be considered beautiful, and that's not a good thing for a girl. So I did everything else to compensate for my lack of beauty.
If God gave me a choice between beauty and brains in my next life, I would choose beauty without any hesitation. It makes life that much more easier. In this life I have brains but not beauty and where has that got me? Jobless, half way around the world, all alone, writing this blog.
So I pushed myself to be active in all sorts of activities, I played piano, I joined all sorts of sports clubs and societies in school, and I ensured that no one would be better than me in English. I did all these to protect myself, so that if anyone teased me about my weight or my skin colour, I could make myself feel better by telling myself at least I can play piano and they can't or at least I'm in the choir club and they are not. This made me feel better on most days, but not all the time. There was always the underlying feeling that I will never be considered beautiful, and that's not a good thing for a girl. So I did everything else to compensate for my lack of beauty.
If God gave me a choice between beauty and brains in my next life, I would choose beauty without any hesitation. It makes life that much more easier. In this life I have brains but not beauty and where has that got me? Jobless, half way around the world, all alone, writing this blog.
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