As I have mentioned before, my father told me that I was a happy baby. That, looking back, was largely due to the fact that I was ignorant as to how cruel the world can be.
My first encounter with reality was when I was 3 (my younger brother wasn't born yet and I was 4 when he was born so I must've been 3). My paternal grandmother and two aunties were staying with us at that time in Raub and as both my parents were working to make ends meet, I was quite attached to my paternal grandmother and my aunties.
One day, I remember either drawing or writing something and showing it to my grandmother, and she said inTamil that I was a perfect child except for the colour of my skin; if I had been born fairer I would be perfect.
And thus began my lifelong low self esteem problem with the way I looked, especially the skin colour I was born in. I shouldn't blame my grandmother for that, but somehow I feel that if she was not the first person to tell me that, it wouldn't be so bad if it came from any other third party. I was close to her and her words not only stung but left a permanent mark in my heart. From then on, everything that went wrong I told myself if only I was beautiful this wouldn't have happened, people would be nicer to me etc
This continues until today.
My first encounter with reality was when I was 3 (my younger brother wasn't born yet and I was 4 when he was born so I must've been 3). My paternal grandmother and two aunties were staying with us at that time in Raub and as both my parents were working to make ends meet, I was quite attached to my paternal grandmother and my aunties.
One day, I remember either drawing or writing something and showing it to my grandmother, and she said inTamil that I was a perfect child except for the colour of my skin; if I had been born fairer I would be perfect.
And thus began my lifelong low self esteem problem with the way I looked, especially the skin colour I was born in. I shouldn't blame my grandmother for that, but somehow I feel that if she was not the first person to tell me that, it wouldn't be so bad if it came from any other third party. I was close to her and her words not only stung but left a permanent mark in my heart. From then on, everything that went wrong I told myself if only I was beautiful this wouldn't have happened, people would be nicer to me etc
This continues until today.
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