I spent about a month in Kuantan with my parents before embarking on this trip. I caught up on some reading, helped my Mom out with some household chores (I didn't get very far because my mother is OCD), and just spent quality time with them. If I ignore the nagging and worrying every now and then, it was the best month of my life. I had never felt so loved in my life!
During that month, my parents and I went to the temple in Maran which is supposedly famous for making people's prayers come true. My prayer was that this is the last year that I will complain about being alone. After the end of 2014, come what may, I promised God that I will not complain about the state of my single hood.
So, why didn't I just stay at home in Kuantan with my parents and be loved by them, why didn't I just book a flight back to Kuala Lumpur instead of being stranded in Changi airport for 18 hours now? Because I'm running out of time. I need to solve this mystery of why I am so unhappy all the time by the end of the year because after that, no more complaints. I have to figure out why it is I hate myself so much it's so easy for me to think of suicide all the time. Why can't I love myself so that I don't need anyone else? Or be happy with the people around me? Why is it always never enough?
That's why I left. That's why I'm still here in Changi airport after 18 hours. Not that I think the answer lies in South America, but I needed to go as far away as possible and figure things out on my own, so that I can look back and tell myself, I did it. I did it. And if not for anything else, that is one bloody good reason to love myself.
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