The thing that disappoints me the most right now is love.
I have my parents, who, to be brutally honest, have to love me for no other reason than I’m their daughter. I have my childhood friends, and some fairly recent friends, and these are all the people in the world who give a damn about me.
They tell you that it is important and rewarding to build friendships and relationships. For as long as I’ve been in the city, I’ve tried to do just that. I thought some friendships that I had fostered over the years were pretty special, but as it turns out, they weren’t at all special. Well, at least not to the other parties. And now when I look back on my life, it’s like 15 years of my life never happened at all. The people who were in it during that time, some for as long as 10 years, are all gone with the wind.
To be honest I’ve suspected this for some time, but now during this lockdown when everyone has nothing better to do, I was hoping some of them would ask me how I’m coping, since I am the one without a job and without a family.
So much for hope. I’ve lived alone for the past 10 years and I can do it till the day I die. The lesson that I will take away from this bloody lockdown is that 1) you can only ever rely on yourself alone, 2) most friendships and relationships are not as important as you may think they are.
So as I sit here and contemplate life for the umpteenth time, I vow never to put in effort into another friendship or relationship again. After all, when no one is around at the worst of times, why would I need anyone in the best of times?
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