Also at the age of about 16 or 17, I became enemies with this boy named Joshua. I really had no idea how it all started, I think in true Tamil movie fashion he liked my friend Yamuna but they were enemies first, that sort of stupid thing. And then of course, because our friend was enemies with him, he was also our enemy, and the same with his friends.
We used to do all sorts of things to one another, but somehow the friend who started it all (Yamuna) never got it quite as bad as this other friend of mine, Jeanne and me. His weapon was really words, he used to say the most spiteful things you can ever imagine, mostly about my skin colour. One thing in particular that he said to me, and which I will probably never forget for as long as I live, is that I am so dark that my husband would need a torchlight to find me down there to make love to me (in more vulgar language). Like a fool I wondered for years thereafter whether this was true, and if so, whether any man could ever love me. Words hurt. His words further damaged my already fragile self esteem so that what little hope I had that maybe I wasn't that bad looking, was gone. To me, I was the ugliest girl in the world.
Of course Jeanne and I retaliated, not with words, but with action because at that time we were still young and mischievous and naughty and full of angsty energy and who wants to waste time with words? Some of the things we did bordered on the illegal so I will not mention it here, and there was this one thing in particular that we did that got him into trouble with the police, and then suddenly this entire war came to an end. I'm sure Jeanne will agree with me that we won the war. But the best part was, after all Joshua and his friends did to us, when it wasn't even our battle to begin with, Yamuna started going out with Joshua thereafter. Jeanne never spoke to Yamuna again after this, I think until this day. I, on the other hand, am softer hearted than Jeanne so I remained friends with Yamuna but it was never the same again, we were never really that close again, till to date. Betrayal will do that to a friendship.
When I was in Form 6, I gave up my entire mischievous and naughty side to focus on my studies. Joshua didn't understand that, and started with his spiteful taunting again. I did not retaliate this time because I had more important things to undertake, so what I did was to cut Joshua out of my life, mentally. To me, he was dead. And the dead cannot hurt you. I was in such a strong mental state of mind at that time that it worked.
Years later, when I was out with Reuben, we bumped into Joshua and of course, like the hypocrite that human beings are, he said hi and attempted to hug me but I walked away without so much as a glance at him. Reuben would then tell me that I was being childish. I would laugh and tell him how does he expect me to greet a dead man?
Even now sometimes I can do that, cut someone out of my life completely. But it is very rare. Usually they have to properly piss me off, and then they can be truly dead to me, so that if they were dying by the side of a lonely road and I happen to pass by, and all they wanted from me was a sip of water, I would walk away with a smile, without feeling any guilt, regret or remorse. That's how ruthless I can be.
We used to do all sorts of things to one another, but somehow the friend who started it all (Yamuna) never got it quite as bad as this other friend of mine, Jeanne and me. His weapon was really words, he used to say the most spiteful things you can ever imagine, mostly about my skin colour. One thing in particular that he said to me, and which I will probably never forget for as long as I live, is that I am so dark that my husband would need a torchlight to find me down there to make love to me (in more vulgar language). Like a fool I wondered for years thereafter whether this was true, and if so, whether any man could ever love me. Words hurt. His words further damaged my already fragile self esteem so that what little hope I had that maybe I wasn't that bad looking, was gone. To me, I was the ugliest girl in the world.
Of course Jeanne and I retaliated, not with words, but with action because at that time we were still young and mischievous and naughty and full of angsty energy and who wants to waste time with words? Some of the things we did bordered on the illegal so I will not mention it here, and there was this one thing in particular that we did that got him into trouble with the police, and then suddenly this entire war came to an end. I'm sure Jeanne will agree with me that we won the war. But the best part was, after all Joshua and his friends did to us, when it wasn't even our battle to begin with, Yamuna started going out with Joshua thereafter. Jeanne never spoke to Yamuna again after this, I think until this day. I, on the other hand, am softer hearted than Jeanne so I remained friends with Yamuna but it was never the same again, we were never really that close again, till to date. Betrayal will do that to a friendship.
When I was in Form 6, I gave up my entire mischievous and naughty side to focus on my studies. Joshua didn't understand that, and started with his spiteful taunting again. I did not retaliate this time because I had more important things to undertake, so what I did was to cut Joshua out of my life, mentally. To me, he was dead. And the dead cannot hurt you. I was in such a strong mental state of mind at that time that it worked.
Years later, when I was out with Reuben, we bumped into Joshua and of course, like the hypocrite that human beings are, he said hi and attempted to hug me but I walked away without so much as a glance at him. Reuben would then tell me that I was being childish. I would laugh and tell him how does he expect me to greet a dead man?
Even now sometimes I can do that, cut someone out of my life completely. But it is very rare. Usually they have to properly piss me off, and then they can be truly dead to me, so that if they were dying by the side of a lonely road and I happen to pass by, and all they wanted from me was a sip of water, I would walk away with a smile, without feeling any guilt, regret or remorse. That's how ruthless I can be.
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