Part of the problem is of course me. I am an extremely sensitive person, easily affected by what people say or what is happening around me. For example, I read in the newspapers the other day that some idiot hung a cat by its neck to a pole and it died, surely a horrible death. Most people I gather would just say "oh how terrible" and move on. But I got so angry, and when I get this angry I usually cry, which I did. And then I wished the person responsible for this evil act would suffer a painful, tortuous death. And then I felt bad for wishing such a thing. I wish I could be the person who says "oh how terrible" and move on. I think I have to learn to disassociate myself more with what people say or what is happening around me.
Similarly, I get very affected when someone tells me, for example that I have put on weight. I will obsess about this comment, go on a diet, go to the gym, etc. I have no idea how to just let things go, how to take it easy.
I think this is one of the reasons I have been avoiding the newspapers and Time magazines. Because they affect me. But I am just running away from the problem. Sure, I can continue avoiding the newspapers and Time magazines but I cannot continue avoiding people, who will inevitably tell me things whether I want to hear them or not. So I think in order to protect myself, I have to learn how not to be affected by what people tell me or what is happening around me, and at the same time retain some sense of humanity because if none of these things affect me, how human am I really am? If I am not affected by cruelty to animals, can I call myself a human? Am I not just some unfeeling robot?
I have no idea how to achieve this. Over the next year, I plan to experiment different ways of dealing with this problem. I think I shall start by ignoring a lot of things. Ignore what people tell me. Laugh it off. Keep my head down. Don't unnecessarily talk to people. Stuff like that. I shall, of course, document my progress.
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