When in doubt...

I have tried again and again to explain my position to people. They still don’t get it. Go figure. Even my own parents don’t understand me, I really can’t expect the world to.

To them, I am in need of “professional help”, “wallowing in self pity”, “drama”, “selfish”. These are actual words used by actual people. I am sitting here wondering why I am still friends with these clowns.

If doing something that society deems joyful brings me dread, sorrow, grief, why in the world should I partake in that something just because society says it’s a joyful occasion? Because, according to one person, I am being selfish, all I think about is my own point of view. Well tough! If I don’t look out for myself, who the hell will? Why should I torture myself this way? Life is bad enough as it is.

And what they don’t understand is I can turn around and accuse them of being selfish, because knowing how torturous this is for me, they still expect me to do it. Isn’t that selfish?

And now let’s talk about professional help. I’m getting a lot of that lately. Personally I think they are tired of hearing my problems (which do not have solutions by the way), that they want me to be someone else’s problem. But that of course is not being selfish, that is purportedly being a caring friend.

Let me end by quoting what my dear friend told me when, in my grief, I asked him whether he thinks I need professional help.

His response :    Choyyy

                          We are each other’s professional help

                           ......

My response :   And this is why you are my best friend ever!

And that, my friends, is what a true friend will say to you.