An idle mind is really the devil's workshop. But I can't help it, I think all the time. From the moment I'm awake till the minute I fall asleep, if I have nothing to do, I think. About everything and nothing. It's quite bad because I can be thinking even when I'm having a conversation with someone, or while driving, or while exercising.
And I also can't help it that I'm so negative. I tried to be positive about life in general but there's nothing positive to think about. I can't change the world. I can't do what I really want to do, because I've all these responsibilities and obligations.
I tried to keep myself busy so that I won't have to think, but like I said, I can think even when I'm doing other things. And I think negative thoughts all the time. Self destructive thoughts like what can I do to torture myself today. Every time I'm sad I go into this self destructive phase and this time I'm trying really hard not to go down that path but it's so so difficult, when all I think about is that.
And then there are temptations everywhere. Oscar Wilde said, the only way to fight temptation is to yield to it. I agree. But what if it destroys me? Ok let's not be over dramatic. It will not destroy me, I'll still live, but it will destroy my self esteem because it's really not me, it's not who I am.
But then again, I don't have much of a self esteem to begin with.
See what I mean? I have to stop thinking!
And I also can't help it that I'm so negative. I tried to be positive about life in general but there's nothing positive to think about. I can't change the world. I can't do what I really want to do, because I've all these responsibilities and obligations.
I tried to keep myself busy so that I won't have to think, but like I said, I can think even when I'm doing other things. And I think negative thoughts all the time. Self destructive thoughts like what can I do to torture myself today. Every time I'm sad I go into this self destructive phase and this time I'm trying really hard not to go down that path but it's so so difficult, when all I think about is that.
And then there are temptations everywhere. Oscar Wilde said, the only way to fight temptation is to yield to it. I agree. But what if it destroys me? Ok let's not be over dramatic. It will not destroy me, I'll still live, but it will destroy my self esteem because it's really not me, it's not who I am.
But then again, I don't have much of a self esteem to begin with.
See what I mean? I have to stop thinking!
No comments:
Post a Comment