Dear God,
I have always believed in you. Well, except for the time when I questioned what was taught to me as a matter of course and duty, and started on a quest to try and determine what I believed and what I didn't. During that period I lost you temporarily but when I found you again I never looked back since.
I believe you do everything for a reason. There are times I never understood why something happened or why something didn't happen, perhaps I never will. But I've always believed that you had your reasons, and it had to be all good in the end.
There have been times when I lost my path and descended upon dangerous and destructive roads, but in the end it was you who always pulled me out of the darkness and set me on the right path again. In your mysterious and cryptic ways you have always given me your hand to hold, even when I ignored you, even when I didn't ask for your help.
So what I don't understand is, why you are ignoring me this time around. Is it that you think I'm no longer worth your time? Someone once told me that you will never give me a challenge that I will not be able to handle. I am now faced with a challenge that I cannot handle. For the first time in my life, I do not know what to do. I've always been a fixer, if there's a problem I fix it. But now I have a problem that I cannot fix and I do not know what to do.
You may think that I'm strong, but underneath it all I'm just a girl. A human being, a mere mortal. I have limits. I have dreams. Just like everyone else.
I've asked you for help, something which I rarely do because I like doing most things on my own and I really don't want to trouble you when you have the weight of the universe on your shoulders. But I really cannot handle this on my own.
Now when I need you the most, you have left me. Or maybe you're still there but I cannot see or hear you. I'm losing the plot. I need you to tell me that there's a reason for my existence in this world. You're the only one who can tell me that. You're the only one who can cure me. You're the only one who can heal me. You're the only one who can save me.
And yet, all I hear is silence.
Is that my answer?
Love always,
Sheila
I have always believed in you. Well, except for the time when I questioned what was taught to me as a matter of course and duty, and started on a quest to try and determine what I believed and what I didn't. During that period I lost you temporarily but when I found you again I never looked back since.
I believe you do everything for a reason. There are times I never understood why something happened or why something didn't happen, perhaps I never will. But I've always believed that you had your reasons, and it had to be all good in the end.
There have been times when I lost my path and descended upon dangerous and destructive roads, but in the end it was you who always pulled me out of the darkness and set me on the right path again. In your mysterious and cryptic ways you have always given me your hand to hold, even when I ignored you, even when I didn't ask for your help.
So what I don't understand is, why you are ignoring me this time around. Is it that you think I'm no longer worth your time? Someone once told me that you will never give me a challenge that I will not be able to handle. I am now faced with a challenge that I cannot handle. For the first time in my life, I do not know what to do. I've always been a fixer, if there's a problem I fix it. But now I have a problem that I cannot fix and I do not know what to do.
You may think that I'm strong, but underneath it all I'm just a girl. A human being, a mere mortal. I have limits. I have dreams. Just like everyone else.
I've asked you for help, something which I rarely do because I like doing most things on my own and I really don't want to trouble you when you have the weight of the universe on your shoulders. But I really cannot handle this on my own.
Now when I need you the most, you have left me. Or maybe you're still there but I cannot see or hear you. I'm losing the plot. I need you to tell me that there's a reason for my existence in this world. You're the only one who can tell me that. You're the only one who can cure me. You're the only one who can heal me. You're the only one who can save me.
And yet, all I hear is silence.
Is that my answer?
Love always,
Sheila
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