Letter to my husband

Dear Husband,

As a Hindu, I believe that all marriages are made in Heaven. I believe that when I was born, God chose you especially for me, the hand that will fit the glove, the shoe that will only fit Cinderella’s feet. Divorces are as a result of people choosing the wrong spouse, the spouse that was not chosen by God. Call me a hopeless romantic.

I once asked a retired teacher why she never married. I never forgot her answer. She said: “They say marriages are made in Heaven; God must have forgotten about me.”

Did God forget about me too? I don’t think so. I believe everything happens for a reason. God makes no mistakes.

So I believe you are out there somewhere. I just haven’t found you yet. Perhaps I never will. If we can’t be together in this lifetime, perhaps I will finally find you in my next life.

Till then, love always,

Your Wife

Today I am irritated

Today I am irritated because:

(i)                  The phone kept on ringing when I had so much work to finish

(ii)                People can’t stop talking; conversations are meant to be 2 ways; I don’t understand what is so difficult about listening for a change instead of talking talking talking without a pause a comma or a full stop

(iii)             People telling me to call them if I need anything but when I do need something they are never there; stop being hypocrites, if you cannot be there for me don’t tell me to call you if I need anything

(iv)              People asking me for my opinion when they have really already made up their minds; stop wasting my time if you are not going to listen to me anyway

(v)                People keep repeating themselves over and over again as if I am a fool who cannot understand what they are saying

(vi)              People who have no musical foundation criticize my knowledge and taste of music and my singing abilities (I will take criticism from Axl Rose but not from someone who is tone deaf)

(vii)             People put unwanted songs into my iPod

(viii)           People keep interrupting my conversations

(ix)              People do not know how to drive

(x)                People have no civic consciousness and good manners

(xi)              People just won’t leave me alone

Boy, did I get up on the wrong side of the bed today. Dare I hope that tomorrow will be a better day?

To be condemned unheard

“We do not seek revenge, we seek justice”. I have heard this phrase many times, usually said by the family of victims justifying the punishment meted out on the perpetrator.

Even when the perpetrator is an animal. A human murderer has several defences available to him to justify his murderous actions. Animals cannot speak out for themselves. They cannot defend themselves. And in spite of that, or because of that, we see it fit to kill the animal which has killed. To condemn it without the benefit of doubt, without being heard, without any mitigating circumstances.

Is this really justice?  Let’s not kid ourselves. There is no need to be hypocritical. It is not justice that they seek. It is revenge. The difference here is that animals are incapable of vengeance.

So who are the real animals in this equation?

This is what I am feeling now

I am in a deep, dark place. Usually I come out of it. But this time I think I am trapped.

Nobody knows. Nobody understands. Everyone thinks I am doing ok. Sometimes even I think I am doing ok. And then it just hits me. The feeling is unbearable. Like I have no other choice. I have to end it now. I have to end the pain, the misery, the agony now before it gets worse.

It is getting harder and harder to resist the temptation. Nothing seems to work. Reading, watching movies, meditating, running, badminton, nothing works. I feel useless. Hopeless.

I am just wasting the limited amount of oxygen in the atmosphere. Nobody will mourn for me. Nobody will miss me. My life has no purpose. I will be doing the world a favour by getting out of it.

Women are their own worst enemies

I took a gender course in university. I remember my lecturer telling us that women are as much to be blamed as men for the systematic oppression of women. I found it hard to believe at first. But if you think about it and observe the society we live in, there is truth in this.

At home, girls are expected to help with household chores, on top of finishing their school homework and getting good grades. Boys are not burdened with household chores. All they had to do was concentrate on their studies, play, eat, do whatever they wanted.

And then there is the silly colour division, pink for girls, blue for boys. What is that about? Toy soldiers for boys, dolls for girls. Subtle and yet it shapes the thinking of these young boys and girls who unwittingly learn their places in society, and carry these subtle inferences with them to their adult life. More often than not, mothers are to be blamed for this state of affairs. Sure, they may be doing it subconsciously, but it is real.

I remember when I left home for university, my mother told me to always behave myself and look after my father’s good name. Translation : do not be a slut. My brothers were never told the same thing. Translation : no matter what you do, you will never do wrong in my eyes.

 As if all of this is not enough, we are now expected to be obedient wives. Instead of empowering women, instead of breaking the cycle of oppression, the independence, dignity and individuality of women are suppressed further on a national level. By women themselves!

I treat my dogs with more respect than these women are treating themselves.

Wise words

Here are some wise words from Mother Theresa:

“People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centred; forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of being selfish or having ulterior motives; be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.”

Easier said than done. Doing the right thing is never easy. But I’ll try anyway.

Traffic woes

It’s about time that Malaysian traffic and road rules be changed to reflect the changing times.

For starters, traffic lights may be done away with. Nobody bothers following traffic rules any more. I for one always get horned at for stopping or slowing down when the traffic light turns orange. Sometimes when the road in front of me is jammed, I stop even though the traffic light is green because I do not want to be caught in the middle of the road, blocking traffic from other directions, should the light suddenly turn red. But I get horned at for my good intentions.

Secondly, our roads may be expanded to include pavements. Motorcyclists use pavements where pedestrians walk, as if the pavements were roads. And they actually have the cheek to horn at you to get out of their way!

One-way roads may be abolished. Motorcyclists always travel in the opposite direction on a one-way road. It is a phenomena that is becoming more and more common so that on a one-way street, I don't just have to look one way before I cross the road, I have to actually look both ways before crossing the road.

Indication lights on vehicles may likewise be abolished. Many drivers expect to immediately turn into another lane almost at the same time as their indication light is turned on. I always thought that the purpose of indication lights was to warn other road users in advance as to the direction a person wishes to go. A lot of drivers also weave in an out of traffic without any indication at all. When I do use my indication lights, nobody bothers giving way to me and I have to end up forcing my way in.

Road markers may also be abolished. Many drivers love to cut into other lanes, especially when taking corners. This is especially common among bus and taxi drivers. Our roads are big enough to accommodate a vehicle without the need for them to cut into other people’s lanes.

Whilst we are changing our road and traffic rules, we may also abolish the need for zebra crossings, sign boards and bridges for pedestrians to cross the roads. These are redundant.

It is time Malaysia listened to its road users and updated its road and traffic rules to take into account the latest trends in road usage.