When no means no

I’m usually quite certain about what I want and what I don’t want. But there are exceptions to this general rule. There always are. Persistence is one of them. When people persistently ask me to do something and they won’t take no for an answer, I tend to give in not because I want to but because I want be rid of them. The problem with giving in is that I sometimes end up doing things that I really don’t like doing. And I don’t see why I should be put in this position.

So recently I decided that I shall be more persistent in saying no to persistent people, starting yesterday. Needless to say, it didn’t go down well. I got blamed for leading them on because notwithstanding my earlier rejections, the fact that I kept answering their calls apparently meant that they still stood a chance. What kind of a warped mentality is that I really do not know. But at least I’m now rid of one persistent person. Now for the rest! There has to be an easier way to say no and let the recipient understand that no means no and they should just give it up. No means no. Not maybe, not I'll think about it, not you still have a chance, not yes. No is what it is. NO.

I’m still trying to figure that one out.

Of women and bananas

Women only coaches. Women taxi drivers for women travelling alone. A radio station for women.

As a woman, I will be the first to tell you that there are many prejudices against women, and many perils that women must face on a daily basis – unwanted stares, ‘accidental’ touching in a crowded LRT, unequal treatment, sexual harassment, snatch thefts, rape, murder, ethnic cleansing, genocide. And so the safety measures undertaken by the Government, and the radio station for women discussing issues relating to women, are all steps taken towards the protection and betterment of women.

But it is superficial. Women’s biggest enemy is one that is not so easily rectified, because it lies in the mind. For a change in mindset, education is key and must be instilled in the young from the earliest possible stage. The day it is instilled in the future generation that women are equals, is the day women will truly be empowered and free. Women need not be protected anymore because they will be respected enough not to be violated in any way.

Rather utopian but that is the only long term solution as I see it. Sadly I don’t see it happening. Educating the young is not only telling them that men and women are equal, but also actually treating men and women equally so for example, sons should be told to help in household chores and daughters should be encouraged to play soccer if that is their interest. How many parents are courageous enough to do that?

Until there is a complete change in the mindset of human beings, you will continue to have idiots that try to stop women from buying or eating bananas and cucumbers. It is not women who need protecting, it is bigots – men and women alike – who need protection from their own twisted minds.

Letter to the Editor

I wrote a letter to the editor in response to a letter written by one Mr. Philip Markus who criticized lawyers for joining the 'Walk for Freedom' organized by the Bar Council and which took place on 29 November 2011. It didn't get published considering I wrote to the mainstream media. All's not lost, there is alternative platforms like my trusted blog. Here is my response:

"In civil society there lies a distinction between one who is intellectually dishonest and one who is oblivious. Admittedly, I am placed in the former category, sometimes. In the ‘Views’ column of The Star, a letter by Mr. Philip Markus of Kuala Lumpur entitled “Uphold Law, not violate it” appearing on 01.12.2011 provides the distinction.

Being a lawyer is not all about prosecuting or defending a client’s case in court. Law cannot be practiced in a vacuum. For justice to be done, the entire legal system must work i.e. there must be legislation that conform to the Federal Constitution, a free and independent judiciary, and a robust legal profession that acts without fear or favour. Law being something so close to a legal practitioner’s heart, he is duty bound to interpret, redefine, reinvent and even challenge the law not only to ensure its relevance in meeting the demands of a modern and ever changing world, but also to avoid redundancy and mockery of laws that come into effect.

Many people, presumably including Mr. Philip Markus, often view protests or resistance in any form as the antitheses of loyalty and patriotism. The opposite is true. The true enemy of society is not rebellion, it is apathy.

Like Mr. Philip Markus, I am also a law-abiding citizen. Unlike Mr. Philip Markus, I believe in standing up for my guaranteed constitutional rights whenever the same is under threat of erosion or abolition, because laws that steer away from the Federal Constitution threaten the entire legal system, which in turn threatens the epitome of justice. Perhaps that is why I am a lawyer, and proud of it!"

Temporary happiness

It’s been raining everyday, especially in the evenings. Not very cheerful weather. The monsoon season is here, and this year almost with a vengeance – floods, storms, thunder, lightning, the works. Makes it difficult to run in the park after work.

Today I managed to avoid the bloody rain, and run in the park after work. Running makes me happy. Temporarily, that is. That’s the thing that I realize, there are many things that make me happy, but only temporarily. Running makes me happy. My girls make me happy. The occasional (sinful?) indulgences make me happy. Coffee makes me happy. Flowers make me happy. The sun makes me happy. The moon, the wind, the trees, the birds singing, music – all make me happy. And on and on. But only for so long.

What I’m looking for is permanent happiness. It eludes me, has eluded me all my life. Wishful thinking? There is no such thing?

As the saying goes, there are only 2 certainties in life. I’m certainly not happy paying taxes. A kiss for those of you who guessed the synonym for permanent happiness in my world.

She should find happiness

Nothing makes her happy anymore. She is empty inside. She is living without being alive. She has given up. If only she could cut her heart open so people can see how sad sad sad she really is. She is heartbroken. She is stuck. She cannot end it. Nor can she move forward.

Nobody understands that. They think she is a drama queen. She is seeking attention. It’s a shame that she feels this way. She should find happiness.

She should find happiness. She has decided that on her 50^th birthday, she will end her sadness once and for all. She figures that by that time everything that she has ever loved will be no more. She will be alone and unable to hurt anyone. She will be free to be free.

She can get through another 17 years. She has done it before.  And then she will be forever free. She has found her happiness. The thought that she has only 17 more years to live is her happiness.

Here I go again

I don’t know how I can be happy one minute and sad the next. Maybe they were right. Maybe it’s more than just a phase. Maybe it’s a chemical imbalance in my brain and I really do need help.

The problem with that is, nobody can help me if I don’t help myself. But I don’t know how to help myself. Because I don’t even know what is wrong. Why I feel this way. What is going through my mind right now is, if I had the chance to go back in time and make one change in my life, I would change the fact that I was ever born. Nothing good came out of me being born.

Maybe I should stop trying to make sense of life and just live it. The problem with that is, I am living life but I am not happy. Nothing makes me happy anymore. People can tell me that that is a shame, the world is your oyster etc but this is how I feel right now. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I am here, I am alive, I am doing the bare minimum to stay that way. What kind of a life is that?

Dare I?

You are standing at the edge. Your heart still beats restlessly. It will never be still again. Your head is pounding almost to the brink of insanity. You wonder whether this is the right choice. You cannot think properly. Your head aches. It will never stop. Your body is corrupted. There is nothing left. You gently weep but there are no tears left. You step closer to the edge. One more step is all it will take. It’s not too late. You can turn back. You can change this. You are better than this. Stronger than this. You can defeat this. You have always fought back. So fight back now.

I take a step.