And the story goes on...

The other day I met Mr. Tyrant face to face. Because I needed him to approve The Thing as soon as possible, I did 2 things which I thought would help me along on my merry way.

Firstly, I bribed God. This happened the day before the meeting at the temple where I made some offering and promised to do penance in return for sweet success. Recently I have not been very impressed with God because I see bias, prejudice and an imbalance of justice all around me which made me wonder whether karma is really independent, impersonal and unbiased or whether that, too, is capable of being manipulated, for example with a bribe. 

Secondly, I put on a drama to appear as sweet and cheerful as I could, with many kind words and praises for Mr. Tyrant although internally my thoughts were the opposite. But I said and acted the opposite of what I was thinking. I have had to do this for most of my working life. I didn’t like it then; I still don’t like it now. When you do this long enough, you become someone else, and you are not happy because there is a constant conflict between the person everyone else sees, and the person I see who is hiding in the shadows. The person who is hiding, the real me, cannot get the job done so she has to take a back seat. Meanwhile, the person getting the job done becomes, over the years, the stronger personality and one day you realise you don’t know who you really are anymore.

I try not to let that happen but the world seems to prefer the pretentious me so I still have to let her out often in order to get the job done. What am I supposed to do if the real me cannot seem to fit into the society I live in? I still haven’t figured this one out yet. 

Anyway, it worked. My pretentious self managed to soothe Mr. Tyrant enough to ease him into a good mood with the result that I got my approval and now I can move on to the next step. I don’t know which worked. The bribe, my act, or both. But I’m happy it’s over and done with and now I can go back to being my true self for the time being. Until my next job when my pretentious self will be unleashed into society again 🙄. 

Elsewhere, I turned down an invitation to lunch by the person I don’t particularly like. The good thing was that he didn’t press me for a reason so I didn’t have to lie or tell the (harsh) truth. A lucky escape. Well, unless if saying no is in itself considered to be harsh speech, in which case if I can’t say no, what the hell do I say? Maybe I’m overthinking this. There was an offer, I declined, and that’s it. If the person making the offer felt offended, surely that’s no concern of mine. Or is it?

Oh, dear.