Irritation has escalated to anger, anger has escalated to hatred.
Yesterday I imagined shooting someone in both knee caps and as she screamed in pain and anguish, all I said was, "not so high and mighty now, are you?"
And even as I banished this vision from my thoughts, guilt had already set in. I am insightful. I don't need other people to tell me that this is unhealthy. I already know this.
I have to find a way to forgive certain people. But I just can't seem to do it now. And I think it has to do with the fact that I still see them everyday, I still see the injustice, the hypocrisy, the back stabbing, the pretense, the cunning, the duplicity, the bias, the drama. And although I know it is not in my own best interest, I end up going home angry. Or worse, filled with hatred.
I am hoping that once I'm out of there I will be able to reflect on all that has happened, and finally forgive those who I think have wronged me. It's for my own peace of mind.
But until then, I know not what to do. I wish I could just ignore everything but it's difficult when you're neither blind nor deaf.
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