It has been almost 7 years since I had been single. I forgot how to do many things on my own. I am trying to cope the best I can, taking it one day at a time.
I have always been indecisive. I find that I talk to myself a lot these days. Mostly about mundane things like should I buy groceries today and clean my room tomorrow, or should I clean my room today and buy groceries tomorrow. Stupid I know but I do it.
I am also so used to telling someone where I am going so that someone will always know where I am and what time I am coming back. I am so used to that that everytime I leave my house I feel as if I had missed out something. But there is no one to tell.
Perhaps the most interesting part about being single is that I am now absolutely free to do whatever I want. If I die tomorrow, I will not be leaving behind a grieving boyfriend or husband or children. I will not be leaving anyone behind for me to feel guilty about except my girls who have been taken care of.
If I die tomorrow, I die free of any guilt, remorse or unfulfilled responsibility. I die free. And that is liberating.
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