Lamentations

When I pulled the plug on my previous relationship, I leaned heavily on a close friend for comfort, reassurance, support and encouragement. God knows I needed it. I was a wreck, close to a nervous breakdown, couldn’t stop crying the moment I was left alone.

I only got to know this close friend for about 5 months then, but somehow we just hit it off and became really good friends. And when the unthinkable happened, he was the only one who stood by me through it all, day after day. The months of uncertainty, fear, tears, agony, heartache and bitterness.

I knew this friend loved me. And for many months, I could not accept him in my life for various reasons. Because I still loved the old flame. Because people would think I left the old flame for another man, someone ‘better in society’s eyes’. Because how much could I really have loved the old flame if I could move on so fast? Because the only reason my friend was there for me was because he wanted me for himself. Because my friend was a rebound and it would never work. So many reasons.

But the main reason was because I was still hoping. Hoping that the old flame would do something, anything, to win my heart back. I shared 6 years of my life with him. One would think that by now, he would know exactly what to say and do to win me back.

But nothing happened. And now it’s 8 months. Nothing will ever happen. That’s just how it is.

It is time to move on. There is someone who loves me. It is time I loved him back just the way he deserves to be loved. People can continue to think what they like. They were never there for me when I was lost in a deep, dark, desolate corner almost at the point of no return. He was. He was always there. He is still here. I knew he was there but I did not see him before. I see him now. And I see hope again.