“Sometimes life is unfair. Sometimes we lose things. Sometimes we make mistakes. And some of these things can never be fixed. Some things just are. And everyone has to live with it.”
As of now, I am well and truly alone. The mistake I made was thinking
that I had family. The truth is, family is supposed to love you no matter what.
I know now that I never had that, and I never will. The bad that happens is my
fault. I was robbed – my fault for walking to the car park alone at night. A
car accident – my fault for not paying enough attention. Poor grades – I didn’t
study enough.
And then the good – the good! Oh, the good! Where do I start? I didn’t get
pregnant at 16. I’m not a drug addict. I don’t have a criminal record. Not good
enough. I have taken care of myself since I was 20, I still run 5 km ever other
morning, I have taken in stray dogs since I was 21, I am a mother of two very happy
and healthy furkids (dogs), I am a high functioning sociopath since forever – but
of course, anyone can do this, and do this better than me!
So I give up. I well and truly give up. If nothing I do is good enough
for the people that I am bound to love, and equally, who are bound to love me,
then I give up.
From here on end, I am my own person – born of evolution, brought up by circumstances,
continuing my journey through life on my own. Truly on my own. No boundaries,
no check and balances, no societal pressures, no stigmas, no moral compass, no nothing.
I wonder how I will turn out to be. An embodiment of evil and anarchy,
or a pillar of strength and redemption.
Only time will tell.
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