The reluctant atheist

I read a book in the last year which has changed my life, probably forever. The book is "The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins. This book gives scientific reasons why we are just because; everything that happens is random; there is no reason behind everything that happens; we are all the product of evolution.

This book was published in 1976; I only found out about it from a fellow traveler when I went to Africa last year; so the irony is not lost on me: was there a reason that I was made aware of this particular book that would make such a significant impact in my life and if that was the case, maybe everything does happen for a reason?

I am now in the zone of believing – not believing in God. I checked out some atheist websites and they have an alternative 10 commandments which really appeals to me:

 The New 10 Commandments

1.           Do not do to others what you would not want them to do to you.

2.           In all things, strive to cause no harm.

3.           Treat your fellow human beings, your fellow living things, and the world in general          with love, honesty, faithfulness and respect.

4.           Do not overlook evil or shrink from administering justice, but always be ready to              forgive wrongdoing freely admitted and honestly regretted.

5.           Live life with a sense of joy and wonder.

6.           Always seek to be learning something new.

7.           Test all things; always check your ideas against the facts, and be ready to discard           even a cherished belief if it does not conform to them.

8.           Never seek to censor or cut yourself off from dissent; always respect the right of             others to disagree with you.

9.           Form independent opinions on the basis of your own reason and experience; do not      allow yourself to be led blindly by others.

10.        Question everything.

 

For the most part, I have "inadvertently" followed these atheist commandments while being a theist. I like to think that I am a Hindu, after all. 

Am I now an atheist? Am I prepared to declare this to the world?

(Un)fortunately I am not. 

So my prayers lately have been:

"God, if indeed You are out there, I need You more than ever now. If You were never there, it all makes sense to me in a weird way. So it’s all cool. God or no God, I am cool. 

But just the same, it would be nice to know if You are real. I am in between theist - atheist. That's the worst kind of place to be. Help."

No answer as of yet. Does this in itself mean anything?? I would like to say "Oh, My God" but I do not know if that is even apt anymore. 🙈🙉🙊