Time to reflect

The lockdown has given me a lot of time to reflect. Mostly my mind takes me to the past, and while there are a lot of things I have long since forgotten, there are some things I wish I could forget but unfortunately remember.

But in this time of reflection I faced all these uncomfortable, cringe-worthy memories, and at the end of it all I came to the conclusion that I do not regret any of the things that I have done or have chosen not to do. Of course, with perfect vision on hindsight, I can righteously say now that I would have acted or said some things differently, but generally these things were all part and parcel of me growing up. And I think in the process of growing up we all make silly mistakes along the way, embarrassing mistakes, foolish mistakes. 

And so what? Nobody is perfect, least of all me. I can’t even promise that I will not make another mistake again. Life just happens and you decide based on the circumstances available to you at that moment, and you just hope it was the right move but if it turns out that it wasn’t, then you can just ponder and hopefully learn something from it and move on.

In this way, I have slowly learned to accept every negative memory that I have, as being part and parcel of my life: I can’t erase it, but I can accept it as an experience in my life and move on.

I do have one regret though. Just one. And I can’t seem to rectify it, so I have to accept it, but this will take some time. I hope I can come to terms with this regret before I die, because I think otherwise I may die a little bit unhappy.