Either/or by Soren Kierkegaard

One of my many interests in life is philosophy. I had the pleasure of reading Either/Or by Soren Kierkegaard. He basically says that one can either live an aesthetic or an ethical life. An aesthetic lifestyle eventually leads to despair because sooner or later one will get bored, as this life has its limits. I’m not sure why one can’t live both aesthetically and ethically.

But anyway, I found several quotes in the book which I found to be simply delightful; and so I am setting them out here:

I have only one confidant, the silence of the night. And why is it my confidant? Because it is silent.

This is part of the confusion evident in so many ways in our age: we look for a thing where we ought not to look for it; and worse, we find it where we ought not to find it.

 Yesterday I loved, 

 Today I suffer,

 Tomorrow I die.

 Yet fain would I think

 Today and tomorrow, 

 Of yesterday. 

 (German poem)

For only someone who has been bitten by snakes knows what the victim of a snake-bite suffers.

And what is life but madness, and faith but folly, and hope but reprieve, and love but salt in the wound?

People of experience maintain that it is very sensible to start from a principle. I grant them that and start with the principle that all men are boring. Or will someone be boring enough to contradict me in this?

‘Boring’ can describe a person who bores others as well as one who bores himself.

...how strange it is that those who don’t bore themselves usually bore others, while those who do bore themselves amuse others. The people who do not bore themselves are generally those who are busy in the world.

Idleness, it is usually said, is a root of all evil.

The root of evil is boredom, and that is what must be kept at bay.

When two people fall in love and suspect they are made for each other, the thing is to have the courage to break it off, for by continuing they only have everything to lose and nothing to gain. It seems a paradox and is so, for feeling, not for understanding.

The girl made an impression upon me and I have forgotten her. The other has made no impression and I can remember her. 

After all, a girl loves only once.

What does love love? Infinitude. 

What does love fear? Limitation.

But I do not create myself, I choose myself.

“No man should be considered happy until he had finished his life happily.”

Said by Solon to Croesus, last king of Lydia (told by Herodotus)

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself: sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”

Matthew 6.34

“I have spoken and freed my mind.”

 Words used by Roman orators to conclude their speeches.

Time to reflect

The lockdown has given me a lot of time to reflect. Mostly my mind takes me to the past, and while there are a lot of things I have long since forgotten, there are some things I wish I could forget but unfortunately remember.

But in this time of reflection I faced all these uncomfortable, cringe-worthy memories, and at the end of it all I came to the conclusion that I do not regret any of the things that I have done or have chosen not to do. Of course, with perfect vision on hindsight, I can righteously say now that I would have acted or said some things differently, but generally these things were all part and parcel of me growing up. And I think in the process of growing up we all make silly mistakes along the way, embarrassing mistakes, foolish mistakes. 

And so what? Nobody is perfect, least of all me. I can’t even promise that I will not make another mistake again. Life just happens and you decide based on the circumstances available to you at that moment, and you just hope it was the right move but if it turns out that it wasn’t, then you can just ponder and hopefully learn something from it and move on.

In this way, I have slowly learned to accept every negative memory that I have, as being part and parcel of my life: I can’t erase it, but I can accept it as an experience in my life and move on.

I do have one regret though. Just one. And I can’t seem to rectify it, so I have to accept it, but this will take some time. I hope I can come to terms with this regret before I die, because I think otherwise I may die a little bit unhappy. 

Three little girls

In Kuantan there is a particular place up the hill about a km walk from my house, in a Malay reserve area, where I like to jog because of the quaint scenery, the peace and quiet, and the relatively fresh air. The place where I jog makes a small loop around a dead end, and 5 rounds makes 1 km so it is also a good marker for tracking my distance.

In that area live 3 little girls who have become my friends although I am not particularly fond of children. I have given them some story books in the past and they like talking to me and telling me all their stories which I must admit I find quite amusing. 

Recently there has been a group of young boys hanging around that area on their motorcycles; they appear to be up to no good. Generally I feel uncomfortable when they are around although I ignore them and continue with my jogging. 

The other day the 3 little girls said they wanted to follow me jogging (their 1 round is my 2 rounds) but they were scared to pass by the naughty boys so they would wait for me to be near and then run behind me. I guess they feel more safe and secure in my presence. 

I feel heroic, I tell you. Really heroic. For a few minutes I was the protector of 3 little girls. It may not be much but it made me feel useful (a feeling I don’t usually have). Above all, I felt like a hero for the first time in my life. It is a nice feeling. 

I try and teach the 3 little girls as many things as I can, usually about the things we find around the area - caterpillars, a small snake, ants, wild boars. They cling to my every word as if I’m some kind of teacher, which in a way I guess I am. 

I can’t help but think that this is what it would be like if I had 3 little girls of my own. Teaching them things all the time and they hanging on to my every word, protecting them from naughty boys, keeping them safe, laughing and being happy in those few precious minutes.

With one big difference. I get to say goodbye to them at the end of my run. If they were mine I would be stuck with them.

I can handle children only for a short, fixed amount of time. About an hour or so. That is the extent of my maternal instincts. Then I’m out, thank you and goodbye.