Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Witty Quotes

These quotes are fantastically witty 😁:


“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; Bring a friend, if you have one.”
         - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one.”
         - Winston Churchill, in response.



A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
        “Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease.”
         “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your 
           mistress.”


“He has delusions of adequacy.”
          - Walter Kerr



“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
          - Clarence Darrow



“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
         - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)



“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book, I’ll waste no time reading it.”
          - Moses Hadas



“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
         - Mark Twain



“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
         - Oscar Wilde



“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
          - Stephen Bishop



“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
          - John Bright



“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
         - Irvin S. Cobb



“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
          - Samuel Johnson



“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
         - Paul Keating



“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”
          - Charles, Count Talleyrand



“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
          - Forrest Tucker



“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
         - Mark Twain



“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
         - Mae West



“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
          - Oscar Wilde



“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
         - Billy Wilder



“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
         - Groucho Marx



“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
         - Winston Churchill



“Equipped with his five senses, man explores the universe around him and calls the adventure Science.”
         - Edwin Hubble




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