The colour grey

There's something that I can't quite figure out. And I don't like not being able to figure something out. This is the situation. This is of course an analogy and a simplification of the facts.

Miss Red always wears red clothes to work. She drives a red car, the upholstery and stuffed toys in her car are all red, her coffee mug is red, her pencil case is red, her mouse pad and mouse are red, her backpack is red; in short, almost everything she owns is red. She has outwardly shown her dislike towards other colours on numerous occasions - black is too bleak, yellow is too cheerful, pink is too girlish, etc.

One day we are all asked what our favourite colours are. Miss Red announces that her favourite colour is green. 

Green! This of course catches me by surprise. Almost cheated even. When I asked her about all her things being red, she says it's just a coincidence. She didn't mean to buy red things, but somehow all her things ended up being red. In fact, she doesn't even like the colour red.

My point of view:

(i)   At best, she unknowingly created the impression that she liked the colour red.

(ii)  At worst, she deliberately created the impression that she liked the colour red.

Miss Red's point of view:

(i)   She never told me she liked the colour red. (This is true.)

(ii)  It's my fault for assuming that she liked the colour red.

I can't decide whether it's my fault or not. I know it's wrong to assume. But in this situation I genuinely believe that any reasonable person would come to the same conclusion as I did - that Miss Red's favourite colour is red. 

I'm trying hard to give Miss Red the benefit of the doubt. This must be one of those 'grey' areas that my friend Reuben keeps harping on about. I don't like grey. I like black and white. 

This situation is making me see red. No, wait. Grey. 

Miss No Change

I know you can't change anyone. Change must come from within. But consider this.

Miss No Change had always walked to Destination X for years. As a result, she always arrived late. This would not pose a problem if Miss No Change was working alone on her own time. You see, Miss No Change was unfortunately part of a team. And her late arrival caused the other members of her team to pick up her slack in her absence.

There is a solution to this problem, which is a free train ride to Destination X. This free train ride would ensure Miss No Change would arrive on time, at no cost. It was certainly more efficient than walking.

But no. Miss No Change insists on walking because that's the way she had always travelled to Destination X. To take a free train ride would be tantamount to changing her character and upsetting the balance of her otherwise perfect life.

So she resists the free train ride. And her team members continue to pick up her slack. But to her, it is more important for her team members to work harder at her expense than for her to make a simple switch from walking to taking a free train ride.

This is how I look at it. You don't have to change for anyone. But the day your behaviour negatively affects the people around you, is the day you seriously need to ask yourself difficult questions and if necessary, change. 

As the saying goes, the only constant in life is change.