The last time I drove back to Kuala Lumpur, I was a bundle of nerves. The future was so uncertain. I was about to embark, for the first time in my life, on a solo journey half way around the world, a non-English speaking part of the world. But it was a good kind of nervousness because all fears and worries aside, I actually really enjoy travelling and in many ways I was looking forward to what was in store.
I drove back to Kuala Lumpur today also a bundle of nerves, but for diametrically opposite reasons. I start a new job on Monday. And this, to me, is scarier than my solo journey across the seas because whereas the latter brings me closer to my true self, the former tends to change me into someone else. The change is an evolutionary process so that you don't really realize that it's happening to you, and then one day you wake up with wings instead of arms and you ask yourself how the hell did that happen and how come I never noticed it before?
To alleviate my fears, I keep telling myself that I can quit my job anytime, the moment one feather appears on my arm I can quit and do whatever else I want to do. The problem is, I told myself that 10 years ago too when I started my first job. And then I stayed 10 years. This really scares me.
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