It's a nonsense world

Bottom line is, there will always be double standards, hypocrisy, bias, and corruption wherever I go. I can't stand it. If I am paying to buy A and you are paying to buy A at the same price, I expect A to be of the same exact quality. I shouldn't be given a free gift for buying A or you shouldn't be given a discount for buying A. Of course this is just an example, I'm not completely oblivious to the commercial realities of bargaining, sales etc but you get the idea. There should always be equal treatment so that no one feels that they are being short changed in life.

So I get properly pissed off when all else being equal, I am expected to follow all the rules but others are allowed to bend or even break it. As a result of which, I was seriously contemplating letting air out of someone's tyres yesterday. My friend called it "juvenile" to which I promptly replied " growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional". Although on hind sight, I should've asked him to explain what exactly he meant by that word, he may have been insinuating that my chosen punishment was too light (juvenile) and I should probably set fire to the car instead (adult). (Note to self - to seek clarification).

I had a devil-on-one-shoulder-angel-on-the-other moment thereafter.

Angel : Who died and appointed you judge, jury and executioner?

Devil : Someone has to teach them a lesson. Why can't it be me?

Angel : 'Someone' is already on it. It's called Karma. If you do Karma's job for it, Karma will come after you.

Devil : I'm willing to take my chances. Anyway, I don't see why Karma has to come after me, since I'm helping it  to do it's job, which is to teach people a lesson so that they don't inconvenience others. In a way, I'm contributing to making the world a better place.

Angel : Judge not lest ye be judged yourself. He who casts the first stone...

Devil : Yeah yeah yeah. So others can break all the rules but I must continue to follow the rules like a sheep bereft of free will?

And on and on. In case you're wondering, I often have conversations like this with myself, even on the most mundane things like should I go to the gym? That conversation would be between Lazy and Active. Schizo? Bi-polar? Who knows??

Anyway, in the end I didn't do it. I'm not sure whether I really didn't want to do it anymore, or whether I didn't have time as I was rushing to the gym or whether the car in question had left before me. According to Buddhist principles, because I had bad intentions I have already collected bad Karma. In which case I might as well carry out the deed right??

Ok I'll stop having conversations with myself now. Bottom line is, there will always be people or things - mostly people - who will piss me off. The question is, what am I going to do about it? Walk away and let Karma do its job, or teach them a lesson myself?

Lord of the Flies

The last time I read The Lord of the Flies I was probably 10 or 11 years old. Despite there being murders and children turning into savages, for some reason I've always remembered it as a book about adventure, about surviving when you're stranded on a deserted island. Oh and it had a happy ending because Ralph, one of the main characters of the book, managed to escape the other children who were hunting him, probably to kill him, and they were all rescued in the end. That was a happy ending for me. (Knowing myself, at that time I probably either had a crush on Ralph or I wanted to be him, though I can't remember)


25 years later I re-read the book, and found it to be dark, morbid and depressing. What was I thinking? How could this ever have been a book about adventure?? The only explanation I have is that when I first read the book, I was reading it through truly innocent eyes, and therefore thought that it is just a story, a mere figment of the author's imagination, and things like that never happened in real life. When I re-read the book decades later, I was reading it with experienced eyes. I now know how cruel the world can be, and what people are capable of, with or without the rules and laws of civilization. It's scary.

Alone does not mean lonely

I know I must sound like a broken record sometimes. But what the hell, this is my blog anyway and I will bloody well say what I want to say, even if it’s a repeat of what I’ve already said a thousand times before.

I think people should keep their opinions to themselves unless solicited. Otherwise just shut up, I’m certainly not interested in your opinion. Listen to your i-pod. Stare at the sky. Read something. Just don’t talk to me. And if you do, please realize that that is at your own risk. If I say something you don’t like, don’t act all shocked at my response, you should know that if you play with fire chances are you will get burned. Nobody asked you to light the damn match in the first place.  

People who are in a bad mood should stay away from others. I always warn people if I’m in a bad mood, and they know they come at their own peril. Go home, go to your garden and eat worms for all I care, just don’t take it out on other people around you.

There is no point going to the temple or whatever other places of worship every so often when you treat others like shit. A place of worship is not for you to repent your sins only to sin again as soon as you’re out the door, it is to remind you to always be good to OTHERS. Get that into your selfish brain. It’s not always about YOU.

I’m sick and tired of people. I’ll be quite happy to be all alone on a deserted island with my girls and my books. That’s the life! No human beings equals no problems. 

Resolution time again

This year in addition to making more resolutions, I wanted to re-visit last year’s resolutions to see where I stand. Last year was:

1.     Lose 5 kgs – I’m not sure whether I lost 5 kgs, but I did certainly lose weight, but still got some work to do.

2.     Visit 3 countries – done! Italy, Hong Kong and Sydney

3.     Read 100 books – not successful, due mainly to the bloody Candy Crush menace that I got hooked on (on the plus side, I am at level 419) but I did read a total of 42 books, here’s the list:

1.     Lasting Damage - Sophie Hannah

2.    The unauthorized biography of William Axl Rose - Mick Wall 

3.    While my pretty one sleeps - Mary Higgins Clark

4.    Twisted - Jeffery Deaver

5.     The lost years - Mary Higgins Clark

6.     Hide & Seek - Ian Rankin

7.     The Remains of the day - Kazuo Ishiguro

8.     Shatter the Bones - Stuart Macbride

9.     The Mermaids Singing - Val McDermid

10.   Beneath the Bleeding - Val McDermid

11.   A Place of Execution - Val McDermid

12.   The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

13.   Pop goes the weasel - James Patterson

14.   The Hypnotist - Lars Kepler

15.    She's Never Coming Back - Hans Koppel

16.    The Garden of Evening Mists - Tan Twan Eng

17.    The Burning Wire - Jeffrey Deaver

18.    The Mystic Masseur - V.S. Naipaul

19.    The Carrier - Sophie Hannah

20.    The Devil's Teardrop - Jeffrey Deaver

21.    Mary, Mary - James Patterson

22.    Trick of the Dark - Val McDermid

23.     The Burning Air - Erin Kelly

24.     The Vanishing Point - Val McDermid

25.     The Nightmare - Lars Kepler

26.     Broken Window - Jeffery Deaver

27.     Fever of the Bone - Val McDermid

28.     Long Walk To Freedom - Nelson Mandela

29.     Mandela's Way - Richard Stengel

30.     The Origin of Species - Charles Darwin

31.     A Feast For Crows - George R. R. Martin

32.     Close to the Bone - Stuart Macbride

33.     Manifesto of the Communist Party - Karl Marx & Frederick Engels

34.    The Other Half Lives - Sophie Hannah

35.     You're Mine Now - Hans Koppel

36.     The Retribution - Val McDermid

37.     Blind Eye - Stuart Macbride

38.     The Fire Witness - Lars Kepler

39.     My Uncle Oswald - Roald Dahl

40.     Zealot - The life and times of Jesus of Nazareth - Reza Aslan

41.     Newton's Fire - Will Adams

42.     The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald 

                Not bad, but could’ve been better!

4.     Run a half marathon – only managed 10 km

5.     Less tv, less procrastination, more activities – definitely less tv and less procrastination, but not sure about more activities

Ok so I didn’t keep all my resolutions. But resolutions, like rules, are meant to be broken, right? And at least I tried.

So here’s this year’s resolutions:

1.       Be 55 kgs

2.       Wake up early, meditate, go to work early and come home early

3.       Run a half marathon

4.       Gradually give up (I’m not saying)

5.       Talk less

Happy New Year, and I wish myself all the very best!