I am happy

I never thought I would ever say this again. I am happy. It took me more than 3 years to be happy again. To be happy with just the way things are. With my girls, with the sun, with the birds singing, with running in the park, with my new car. Not caring about the past or the future, but just basking in the present.

And I’m proud to say that I didn’t delve into drugs or medication or alcohol or shrinks to get out of depression. That’s not to say that I haven’t done anything that I’m not proud of. There were some embarrassing situations in the past, mostly from bad exercise of judgment. But if you’re not in the right frame of mind, you tend to do that. You’re not yourself and therefore not truly guarded and unable to see reason or listen to good advice. I don’t look at it as something I regret, but something I have learned and take with me so that I don’t go down that path again. It was a necessary evil, if you must.  

I wanted to die for all the wrong reasons. I still can’t stop death. It is bound to happen. But if it happens now, I die happy, I die doing the things I like doing, I die knowing that I was useful in this world. That makes me somebody. I am not anonymous. And that’s always better than to die thinking you should never have been born in the first place.

Doctors will tell you that depressed people need help. Not everyone is the same so yes, some people may need help. But the best doctor to heal your soul is really yourself. Because no one knows you better than you know yourself. And if you don’t know who you are, it’s about time you go find out. It has made all the difference to me.