Friendship is overrated

There is a certain code of conduct that I expect from people. I know what they say, if there are no expectations there will be no disappointments. But they also say no man is an island. Everyone needs, or has to have friends (I disagree with the latter but we will assume for present purposes that no man is an island). When it comes to people who you wish to call friends, that’s just the way it is for me. There has to be a certain code of conduct. If you fall below that code, then I cannot consider you my friend. Of course, things can change. But it will take a heck of a lot to change my mind once you have disappointed me.

This is why I have very few friends. I am not complaining. People say I have unrealistic expectations of people. For me, it is very simple. I expect to be treated the same way I would treat another person. The moment you do not do that, you are not my friend. I don’t think this is too much to ask. I’m not asking you to walk on fire or run a marathon to prove your friendship. I’m asking for the barest minimum – trust, loyalty, love. If that is too much to ask, so be it. I’d rather be an island. 

I am happy

I never thought I would ever say this again. I am happy. It took me more than 3 years to be happy again. To be happy with just the way things are. With my girls, with the sun, with the birds singing, with running in the park, with my new car. Not caring about the past or the future, but just basking in the present.

And I’m proud to say that I didn’t delve into drugs or medication or alcohol or shrinks to get out of depression. That’s not to say that I haven’t done anything that I’m not proud of. There were some embarrassing situations in the past, mostly from bad exercise of judgment. But if you’re not in the right frame of mind, you tend to do that. You’re not yourself and therefore not truly guarded and unable to see reason or listen to good advice. I don’t look at it as something I regret, but something I have learned and take with me so that I don’t go down that path again. It was a necessary evil, if you must.  

I wanted to die for all the wrong reasons. I still can’t stop death. It is bound to happen. But if it happens now, I die happy, I die doing the things I like doing, I die knowing that I was useful in this world. That makes me somebody. I am not anonymous. And that’s always better than to die thinking you should never have been born in the first place.

Doctors will tell you that depressed people need help. Not everyone is the same so yes, some people may need help. But the best doctor to heal your soul is really yourself. Because no one knows you better than you know yourself. And if you don’t know who you are, it’s about time you go find out. It has made all the difference to me.  

Nature vs nurture

Ask anyone and they will tell you that I am as Malaysian as they get. I love all things Malaysian, idiotic politicians included. But taking a step back, ethnically I am Indian. My paternal grandfather was born and bred in South India and he came to Malaysia at a fairly young age to earn a living. Same story with my maternal grandfather except that he came from Sri Lanka. My parents were born and bred in Malaysia, and I am second generation Malaysian.

Recently I became acquainted with someone who comes from India. As in born and bred in India, but is currently working in Malaysia. Now, one would think we would have a lot in common since we have similar roots. But ironically, there is such a gap between us in terms of outlook in life, values, culture, the way of thinking, that we are really from 2 different worlds altogether. That’s not to say that there’s anything wrong with him or with me. It’s just that we were brought up in 2 different countries altogether, in very different environments, so that although we’re both Indian, we’re as different as night and day.

Oddly, I find more similarities with my European acquaintances!

Nurture is definitely more powerful, or more influential, than nature.