Whoever said suicide is a coward's way out obviously does not know what he's talking about. I don't care what amount of psychological nonsense he has studied, he just doesn't know what he's talking about. It's not easy to come to the conclusion that your life is not worth living anymore. It's not easy to say goodbye to the things you like or love. No matter how depressed you are, it's not easy to make the decision to take your own life.
And even when you're about to do it, there is a part of you that tries to talk you out of it, that says but you haven't done this and you haven't done that, that you always wanted to see the Great Wall of China, that you always wanted a German Shepherd named George, that you may or may not want a child, that whatever, and if you die now you will regret not doing all these things that you dreamed of in your life.
And then there is the other part of you which tells you that even if you have all of these things you will not really be happy. Because you can never really be happy. You think it's an easy choice? You think it's a coward's way out? I think psychology is written by those on the outside looking in i.e. those who have never experienced real helplessness telling people who have given up that they are cowards.
I, for one, think otherwise. I think cowards are those who live life for the sake of living it, because they have no balls to change the way things are. And by change I mean if you can't change the world, and you really can't, then change the way you are. And if you don't like the way you are, and you can't do anything about it, then just cease to exist. And who the fuck is anyone to tell me that I'm a coward for choosing to cease to exist? At least i'm brave enough to do something to cease the sadness. Granted, I don't know if I'll be happy, but at least I know I will be sad no more. And that is not a coward's way out. That is taking charge of your life.
Because when it comes to your life, YOU are the expert, not some psychiatrist or
psychologist or therapist who think they know you in all of 2 minutes. It took you 34 years to figure yourself out. You are the expert. I am the expert. I decide. I choose life or death. No one can stop me. No one ever could. Only I can stop myself. And if I choose not to, that's my choice and my choice alone, made after years of deliberation.
So don't you dare tell me it's a coward's way out. I may be a lot of things, but I'm certainly not a coward. I never back down. If I do, it's because I choose to, after thinking about it for 34 years. Go write another theory on psychology, because I'm not another footnote. I am real. This is real. Suicide does not equal cowardice. Suicide is a choice. Suicide is empowerment. Suicide is taking your life into your own hands. Suicide is coming to the conclusion that your life is just not worth it. That someone who is seemingly less advantaged compared to you, for example someone who is homeless, someone who is born without limbs, someone who does not have food to eat, someone who is born in a war torn country, is still better than you.
When you actually feel like that, what's the point of living? You may as well give way to the 'brave' people who think that they really want to live. Besides, everyone dies anyway, right? So why am I still here? Good question. It's certainly not hope, I've lost all hope. It's because I'm just not ready to go yet. But it's getting close. Some day, sooner or later, I will die on my own terms. Most of the time life wins. Sometimes you just have to win. Not because you are a coward. But because you're just tired of losing. And if you still think that that's a coward's way out, so be it. If it makes you happy so be it. This decision, this choice, makes ME happy. And that makes all the difference.
And even when you're about to do it, there is a part of you that tries to talk you out of it, that says but you haven't done this and you haven't done that, that you always wanted to see the Great Wall of China, that you always wanted a German Shepherd named George, that you may or may not want a child, that whatever, and if you die now you will regret not doing all these things that you dreamed of in your life.
And then there is the other part of you which tells you that even if you have all of these things you will not really be happy. Because you can never really be happy. You think it's an easy choice? You think it's a coward's way out? I think psychology is written by those on the outside looking in i.e. those who have never experienced real helplessness telling people who have given up that they are cowards.
I, for one, think otherwise. I think cowards are those who live life for the sake of living it, because they have no balls to change the way things are. And by change I mean if you can't change the world, and you really can't, then change the way you are. And if you don't like the way you are, and you can't do anything about it, then just cease to exist. And who the fuck is anyone to tell me that I'm a coward for choosing to cease to exist? At least i'm brave enough to do something to cease the sadness. Granted, I don't know if I'll be happy, but at least I know I will be sad no more. And that is not a coward's way out. That is taking charge of your life.
Because when it comes to your life, YOU are the expert, not some psychiatrist or
psychologist or therapist who think they know you in all of 2 minutes. It took you 34 years to figure yourself out. You are the expert. I am the expert. I decide. I choose life or death. No one can stop me. No one ever could. Only I can stop myself. And if I choose not to, that's my choice and my choice alone, made after years of deliberation.
So don't you dare tell me it's a coward's way out. I may be a lot of things, but I'm certainly not a coward. I never back down. If I do, it's because I choose to, after thinking about it for 34 years. Go write another theory on psychology, because I'm not another footnote. I am real. This is real. Suicide does not equal cowardice. Suicide is a choice. Suicide is empowerment. Suicide is taking your life into your own hands. Suicide is coming to the conclusion that your life is just not worth it. That someone who is seemingly less advantaged compared to you, for example someone who is homeless, someone who is born without limbs, someone who does not have food to eat, someone who is born in a war torn country, is still better than you.
When you actually feel like that, what's the point of living? You may as well give way to the 'brave' people who think that they really want to live. Besides, everyone dies anyway, right? So why am I still here? Good question. It's certainly not hope, I've lost all hope. It's because I'm just not ready to go yet. But it's getting close. Some day, sooner or later, I will die on my own terms. Most of the time life wins. Sometimes you just have to win. Not because you are a coward. But because you're just tired of losing. And if you still think that that's a coward's way out, so be it. If it makes you happy so be it. This decision, this choice, makes ME happy. And that makes all the difference.
Suicide is not for cowards. It takes a lot of despair & courage to actually do it. And what if you fail? What if you are rendered invalid to the point that people have to take care of you and you cannot even move to make a 2nd attempt?
ReplyDeleteThen I make damn sure that I do not fail.
ReplyDelete