Just let it out

God really works in mysterious ways. There is this person that I was very angry at for some time, although I really thought I was over being angry. Or maybe I just thought I had it under control. I have always been one to speak my mind, sometimes to my own detriment but that’s just me. I am hot-tempered but have cooled down a lot over the years.

I always felt that the best way to deal with anger is to actually let it all out. It’s easier to control the degree in which you burst, which I have managed to do (I hope!), if you let it out in small doses. But it’s always better to get whatever that is bothering you off your chest. Otherwise, it will just linger somewhere inside you, hiding in some deep dark shadowy corner until, like a volcano, it all just erupts one fine day and then you find that you said or did more than you intended to. The control mechanisms suddenly just don’t work.

And that is exactly what happened yesterday. I was just fine, chilling and not thinking about anything in particular, when suddenly I received this SMS from this person that I was angry at, and I dunno why but I suddenly just snapped. I told him everything that I always wanted to tell him but kept bottled up inside, and then it all just came out in one big explosion. Had I told him off at the appropriate times, yesterday wouldn’t have been that bad. But once I was unleashed, there was just no stopping me.

And even after that, I felt that I hadn’t finished, that I could go on telling him off but somehow, just as mysteriously as it began, it stopped. He deserved what he got and then some. But still, it’s not good for me to explode in rage like that. It could lead to a whole host of other problems like hypertension, high blood pressure etc and for what? For someone who was never worth my time in the first place.

And here is where God comes in. Of all days, today I had to bump into him! Damn bloody awkward! I swear these things only happen to me. So I gather God is trying to tell me something. Speak my mind and don’t keep things bottled up inside, or be more patient generally, or I have to learn to deal with the consequences of my actions, or all of the above.

Since I’m still learning to keep my patience, I shall show my anger in small doses next time lest I detonate again.