It never happened before. I hope it never happens again. It's a total state of suspension. Almost like an out of body experience. Like it is happening to someone else. Realizing in 2 seconds that it happened to you. And yet not fully realizing. Picking up the pieces. Dealing with disaster. Missing a heart beat. Knowing it could have been worse.
With everything that has happened, one would think that I would be happy to be alive. But I am not. My only regret is that I almost took the people I loved the most with me. I don’t know what it was supposed to mean or symbolize. Life is precious? Life is short? I know I should feel that way but I don’t. Perhaps I will never know what it is supposed to mean. Perhaps I am not meant to know.
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