Letter to my darling

Dear darling,

The 6 years we spent together were the best 6 years of my life. So many trials and tribulations, but we always managed to get through it all. In the end it was always laughter and joy.

I took great solace and comfort in the fact that no matter how bad my day was, no matter how low my spirit was, no matter how despairing the situation was, I would always come home to you. Into your arms, the only place I felt safe all these years. All my troubles would just evaporate the moment I saw you.

To say that I loved you is an understatement. I could not imagine life without you. I imagined growing old with you. You shaped who I am today. Today I am who I am, and where I am, because of you. I could never have come this far in my life without you.

And then the unthinkable happened. I lost you. And in losing you, I’ve not only lost a boyfriend, I’ve lost my best friend, the better half of me, my twin, my husband. And now I have nothing left. I am nothing. 

 

I am sorry I wasn't strong enough to hold on to you. I suffer from the same frailties that besiege so many human beings - I am weak. For us to be together meant that I had to be strong enough for the both of us. But I am not. I do not have the strength to go on fighting the entire world just to be with you. I stopped fighting. I am so tired. And so I have lost you.

 

Some people say that love will conquer all. But the harsh reality is that sometimes, once in a blue moon, love alone is not enough. What are the odds of that happening to us!

 

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know whether I can make it through life without you. All I know is that I love you but I have lost you. And life as I know it will never be the same again.  

 

How I wish I could take you away to a fantasy world where there is only you and I. What bliss! You won't ever have to worry about any of the ills that plague you. And I will be free to hold you, cherish you, love you! We will not be judged. We will have each other. For eternity.

 

Perhaps one day in the future when the world is more forgiving, or when you have found your own strength, or when I have found enough courage and strength for the both of us - perhaps we can be together. And then it will be forever.

 

Till then, I am yours truly,

 

Your darling Sheila.