Excerpts of a broken heart - Part 2

29^th May 2010. That was the day I said goodbye to the love of my life. My boyfriend, my best friend, my partner in life. We were supposed to be married 3 years ago. Then 2 years ago. Then last year. Then in March this year. Then in May this year. Then in October this year. 29^th October 2010. My wedding day.

 And then it all ended. Some people say I had waited all these years, why not just wait a few months more? Because it just wasn’t going to happen. October will come and go. No wedding. Then it will be next year. Then the following year. And on and on.

I am tired. You are either sure of someone or you’re not. I was sure about him. He says he’s sure about me but I have my doubts. I know I’m not perfect but I don’t think I’m all that bad. So what is wrong with me? Why won’t he marry me?

He is also imperfect but he was perfect for me. He was the best. No one else can ever measure up. And I have lost him.

Excerpts of a broken heart

In just 4 months, I have managed to lose my boyfriend cum best friend, and 2 good friends. There are times in your life when you must make decisions that will change the course of your future. In my case, it was the decision to leave my boyfriend of 6 years. Which eventually led to the loss of 2 good friends. Decisions rarely exist in a vacuum. They have consequences. If only I did not leave my boyfriend, I would still have him and 2 of my good friends.

But sadly the deed is done. One minute I was on the brink of starting a new phase in my life – marriage, children, a home, the works. The next minute I’m literally all alone. I’m far away from family, and all my friends have lives of their own. The last thing they need is a depressed soul burdening them with my sorrows.

So here I am, alone. I feel invisible. I can see the world passing me by but somehow nobody sees me. I am insignificant. Faceless. A dot in the world. Unwanted. Unloved. It is really heart breaking.

I can't stand double standards!

Today I’d like to air my disappointment, contempt and disgust towards a certain Club that I am unfortunately a member of. Not by choice, mind you. Equally unfortunately, at the risk of being sued, I am unable to reveal the name of this Club (which is not really a club), or why I am a member of this Club despite my obvious odium for this
Club.

My discontentment stems from the double standards practiced by the Club. To illustrate, here are 2 scenarios.

Scenario 1

Member A is found guilty of breaching certain Club rules, and is suspended from the
Club for a period of 3 years. Member A challenges the Club’s decision in a higher forum. The higher forum affirms Member A’s guilt but reduces the sentence to a fine, thus effectively restoring Member A’s membership in the Club.

Disgruntled, Member A sues the Club Management and every other member of the Club who Member A thinks is responsible for Member A’s suspension. Nasty allegations, unwarranted accusations and personal attacks are thrown into Member A’s claim which are all aimed to embarrass, discredit and belittle the Club more than anything else.

Due to the frivolity of Member A’s claim, Member A’s claim is dismissed, and Member A is ordered to pay costs to the Club for having to defend itself against Member A’s claim.

Member A then seeks indulgence from the Club to waive the costs order made against Member A. One would have thought that after all the mud slinging, name calling and damage done to the Club’s reputation by Member A’s claim, the Club would snub Member A’s cry for mercy.

However, in a surprising turn of events, the Club agrees to consider Member A’s request.

Scenario 2

X (a non-club member) sues Member B for using the latter’s position as a member of the Club to cheat X. Within the perimeters of the Club, Member B is found guilty of cheating X and is ousted from the Club.

Under the Club Rules, X is entitled to claim compensation from the Club as a result of Member B’s indiscretion, provided that X complies with the procedures prescribed for making such claims for compensation.

X does make a claim for compensation with the Club, but unfortunately the claim is not in accordance with the prescribed procedures put in place by the Club. The Club therefore does not entertain X’s claim.

Dissatisfied, X files a claim in a higher forum that X is entitled to be compensated by the Club despite not having complied with the Club’s claims procedures.

Obviously, X is unsuccessful in its claim against the Club and is ordered to pay costs to the Club for having to defend itself against X’s claim.

Having paid 80% of the costs to the Club, X seeks the Club’s indulgence to waive the balance 20% of the costs payable to the Club, especially since X has in fact suffered loss at the hands of Member B.

In a surprising turn of events, the Club refuses to indulge X’s request and demands for payment of the balance 20%.

Any fool with half a brain can see that X deserves indulgence and not Member A. So why the double standards? Because Member A is still a member of the Club and thus one of the Club’s own? Because X is not a member of the Club through no fault of its own? (Of course, I  must add that the Club claims to stand as a bastion of hope, peace and equality to all and sundry, not just its members).

Either way, I just don’t see the rationale or justification behind the Club’s decisions. I cannot air my grievances directly to the Club because the Club is fully capable of making my life very difficult.  

Hence, this blog.

I am a human being

Recently  I had the misfortune of being with friends who were talking about
race.  These  two friends were Ceylonese, and it amused me how they were so
quick to differentiate and distance themselves from Indians.
Among others, they claimed that Ceylonese were in many ways a more superior
race than Indians. Regular Ceylonese Hitlers they are if you ask me.

I  do  not  intend to debate on which race is more superior. As a matter of
fact,  I  really  do  not  care if I am considered ‘inferior’ because of my
race.

Whether one chooses to believe that we are all the product of Adam and Eve,
or  that  we  are  all the product of evolution, the fact remains that we all
came  from  the  same  source.  And  that makes us all human beings. In the
bigger  scheme  of  things,  does it really matter what race we are? In the
final  analysis,  it  is not our race, skin colour or religion that defines
who  or  what we are, but whether we have been good or bad human beings. At
least, that is what I choose to believe.

And that is why I choose to be a human being. A good one. (I try)