It’s that time again. The time when I reflect on my life, on what might have been and what is, and how both scenarios are stark opposites to the extent that I ask myself, where the hell did I go wrong.
I thought I made all the right decisions. But the thing is this. We can only make decisions based on the information that we have at the time we make the decision. That is why I guess most happy people say, if they had to do it all over again, they would not change a thing. Because to change even a small thing would mean that they would not be where they are today. So if the decisions or choices that they made turned out to be good for them and they are happy, that’s what they would say. And if those choices or decisions turned out to be bad, then what?
But here’s the thing. Everyone gets a shot at life. Whatever one’s nature and nurture, the moment one is independent, one gets a shot at life. What one does with that shot is up to one. But here’s the catch. One does not see how it will end. One only has past experience and knowledge as guidance, and one has the present to help one make a choice or decision. On hindsight, whether that was the right choice or the right decision is beyond one’s control.
So in that sense, we never really get to choose how it’s going to look. None of this is on our own terms. It’s life on life’s terms or not at all. And even that we don’t get to choose. Life. We don’t get to choose life. It’s thrust upon us whether we like it or not, and then we are forced to make choices and decisions based on the information we have at that frozen moment in time, without knowing what the consequences of that decision or choice may be.
And if we’re lucky, we get what we dreamed of or expected out of life. And if we’re unlucky, we will forever be questioning where it all went wrong, what if I did this, what if I didn’t do that, etc. And if we’re really unlucky, we will spend our whole lives searching for this elusive thing called happiness which is always within our sight, but always beyond our reach.
In the end, it doesn’t even matter what decision or choice we make. It’s really the luck of the draw. It’s life on life’s terms, whether you like it or not. 😔
