I think I’m going through a
mid-life crisis. I’m not buying a fast car or a big bike or a luxury yacht.
Maybe I should. Because instead, I’m sitting here thinking about all the
decisions and choices that I’ve ever made in my life that led me to where I am
today. And then thinking, what if I’d made different decisions, different
choices? Where would I be now? What would I be doing now? Writing this blog? Would
I even have a blog? Would I be happy? Or just as restless as I am now? Would I
be wondering what life would be like if I made different decisions or choices?
Or would I be content with what I had?
The thing is, I will never know
because I didn’t make those decisions, I didn’t make those choices. So that
life, whatever it would’ve been, is no more. Probably if I was in a parallel universe
living a totally different life, I would still be wondering what it would be
like if I made different decisions, different choices. That person can’t get a
glimpse of my life now, just like I can’t get a glimpse of her life now. So I’ll
never know.
The question that I really need
to ask myself is whether I’m happy now? And if not, what can I do to be happy?
I have no answers right now
because I’m too busy wondering about what could’ve been, should’ve been, would’ve
been. Whether I’ve done enough, whether I could’ve done more, could do more,
should do more. Whether I can still hope. Whether it’s too late.
