Problems

It feels like suddenly, I have a lot of things to say. That’s not true. I always have a lot of things to say, all the time. It’s just that my audience has diminished in numbers.

People tell me their problems all the time. Most of the time I just listen. Sometimes I give advice, but I find that more often than not, people don’t want advice, they just want to vent to a sympathetic ear. More often than not I distract them with a joke or something silly to make them feel happier, even if it’s just for a while.

I have problems, too. And sometimes I too wish to vent. But then I’m told that I act as if I’m the only one with problems in the world. Wow. I know everyone has problems. I know some problems are bigger than others. I know there is suffering, disease, pain in the world. I know. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have problems or frustrations. That doesn’t mean I can’t voice out those problems or frustrations. I’m not asking for a solution to my problems. Some problems cannot be solved.

Sometimes I, too, just want a sympathetic ear. Or someone to tell me a joke or something silly to make me laugh and forget my problems for a while.  It’s really not too much to ask. Especially of a friend. Or at least, of someone I used to consider my friend.

Facts vs opinions

There is a saying I once heard or read somewhere, “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not to their own facts.”

I’ve never stopped anyone from voicing out their opinions. Sometimes I challenge that opinion. Sometimes I disagree with that opinion. But it’s their opinion and they’re entitled to it.

But opinions should be on the basis of facts. For example, the Goods and Services Tax (GST) has been replaced with the Sales and Service Tax (SST). This is a fact. Which is better, GST or SST? This is an opinion.

So I get irritated when people distort facts or worse, present opinions as if it’s a fact. They don’t bother to fact check something from the source before saying it. They just say it without a care in the world. Some, when confronted with the real facts, will just say “Oh, really? I read it on WhatsApp.” WhatsApp is NOT a source of information! Some, unfortunately, will still argue and stand their ground even when faced with unequivocal evidence to the contrary.

I shouldn’t get irritated with these people. After all, those are the limits of their knowledge and their thinking capacity, and what can I do if they refuse to grow, to question, to analyse, to think logically? It’s not my job to set them straight; it’s not my job to judge.

I do have a choice, though. I can choose to ignore the white noise. I can choose to walk away. Better still, I can choose to have an opinion about these people. Right or wrong, it’s my own opinion and I’m entitled to it.

Bored

Looking back on my life, I realize that a lot of things I did, a lot of the decisions I made, were out of sheer boredom. You see, I get bored ever so easily. My brain needs to be constantly stimulated by riveting information. I have diverse interests, but sometimes a book I’m reading, a program I’m watching on tv or a conversation I’m having with someone are not of sufficient depth for my mental and intellectual stimulation. And then I get bored. Which is dangerous because that is when I end up doing silly things and making wrong decisions which more often than not ends in disaster.

“Let’s steal the orange safety cone on the road.”

“What for?? Plus it’s wrong!” (Indignant)

“Got any better ideas?”

“(Pause). Let’s steal it.”

The thing is, I know I’ve made plenty of errors in my life. I keep telling myself I’m human and we all make mistakes. But most of my mistakes are totally unavoidable.

It’s not that I have nothing to do. I’ve plenty to do. But I’m just one of those who can do 25 different things at the same, and still get bored. So I end up doing a lot of things which I shouldn’t do. And after disaster strikes I tell myself never again!

That ‘never again’ lasts for about 3 seconds; then I get bored again (roll eyes).

Mid-life Crisis

I think I’m going through a mid-life crisis. I’m not buying a fast car or a big bike or a luxury yacht. Maybe I should. Because instead, I’m sitting here thinking about all the decisions and choices that I’ve ever made in my life that led me to where I am today. And then thinking, what if I’d made different decisions, different choices? Where would I be now? What would I be doing now? Writing this blog? Would I even have a blog? Would I be happy? Or just as restless as I am now? Would I be wondering what life would be like if I made different decisions or choices? Or would I be content with what I had?

The thing is, I will never know because I didn’t make those decisions, I didn’t make those choices. So that life, whatever it would’ve been, is no more. Probably if I was in a parallel universe living a totally different life, I would still be wondering what it would be like if I made different decisions, different choices. That person can’t get a glimpse of my life now, just like I can’t get a glimpse of her life now. So I’ll never know.

The question that I really need to ask myself is whether I’m happy now? And if not, what can I do to be happy?

I have no answers right now because I’m too busy wondering about what could’ve been, should’ve been, would’ve been. Whether I’ve done enough, whether I could’ve done more, could do more, should do more. Whether I can still hope. Whether it’s too late.

Books read in 2017

2017 was certainly an Agatha Christie year for me. This year the main ingredient will still be mysteries, thrillers and psychological dilemmas with a pinch of classic and reality. Here are the list of books I read in 2017:

1.                   Sad Cyprus – Agatha Christie (re-read)

2.                   Woman with a Secret – Sophie Hannah

3.                   The Aeneid – Virgil

4.                   The Moving Finger – Agatha Christie (re-read)

5.                   Oedipus the King – Sophocles

6.                   The Tragedy of King Lear – Shakespeare

7.                   The Hollow – Agatha Christie (re-read)

8.                   Othello, the Moor of Venice – Shakespeare

9.                   Why Didn’t They Ask Evans? – Agatha Christie

10.               The Kept Woman – Karin Slaughter

11.               Murder in Mesopotamia – Agatha Christie

12.               Hamlet, Prince of Denmark – Shakespeare

13.               Fidel Castro: My Life: A Spoken Autobiography – Fidel Castro & Ignacio           Ramonet

14.               Poirot Investigates – Agatha Christie

15.               Good Omens – Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman

16.               And Then There Were None – Agatha Christie

17.               Murder in the Mews – Agatha Christie (re-read)

18.               Innocent Blood – P. D. James

19.               History Will Absolve Me (Speech, 16 October 1953) – Fidel Castro

20.               Nemesis – Agatha Christie

21.               Peril At End House – Agatha Christie

22.               The Narrow Bed – Sophie Hannah

23.               Appointment with Death – Agatha Christie (re-read)

24.               Truly Madly Guilty – Liane Moriarty

25.               Ordeal by Innocence – Agatha Christie

26.               Sleeping Murder – Agatha Christie (re-read)

27.               Murder at the Vicarage – Agatha Christie (re-read)

28.               The  Pale Horse – Agatha Christie (re-read)

29.               Lord Edgeware Dies – Agatha Christie

30.               Hercule Poirot’s Christmas – Agatha Christie

31.               Towards Zero – Agatha Christie

32.               Problem at Pollensa Bay – Agatha Christie

33.               The ABC Murders – Agatha Christie

34.               The Third Girl – Agatha Christie

35.               The Psychology Book – DK London, Penguin Random House (publishers)

36.               Chronicle of a Death Foretold – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

37.               Poirot’s Early Cases – Agatha Christie

38.               Curtain : Poirot’s Last Case – Agatha Christie

39.               One, Two, Buckle My Shoe – Agatha Christie (re-read)

40.               The 15 Minute Psychologist – Anne Rooney

41.               The Mysterious Affair at Styles – Agatha Christie (re-read)

42.               The Two Gentlemen of Verona – William Shakespeare

43.               The Hound of Death – Agatha Christie (re-read)

44.               The Merry Wives of Windsor – William Shakespeare

45.               Unnatural Causes – P.D. James

46.               The Twelfth Night – William Shakespeare

47.               Into the Water – Paula Hawkins

48.               Measure for Measure – William Shakespeare

49.               Much Ado About Nothing – William Shakespeare

50.               Death On The Nile – Agatha Christie (re-read)

51.               The Murders in the Rue Morgue – Edgar Allan Poe

52.               A Midsummer Night’s Dream – William Shakespeare

53.               The Mystery of Marie Roget – Edgar Allan Poe

54.               Hickory, Dickory, Dock – Agatha Christie (re-read)

55.               Career of Evil – Robert Galbraith

56.               The Clocks – Agatha Christie (re-read)

57.               Love’s Labour’s Lost – William Shakespeare

58.               Five Little Pigs – Agatha Christie (re-read)

59.               The Caribbean Mystery – Agatha Christie (re-read)

60.               The Mystery of the Strange Messages – Enid Blyton (re-read)

61.               Magpie Murders – Anthony Horowitz

62.               The Murder of Roger Ackroyd – Agatha Christie (re-read)

63.               Closed Casket – Sophie Hannah

64.               Three Act Tragedy – Agatha Christie (re-read)

65.               The Merchant of Venice – William Shakespeare (re-read)

66.               Parker Pyne Investigates – Agatha Christie

67.               As You Like It – William Shakespeare

68.               They Came to Baghdad – Agatha Christie

69.               The Good Daughter – Karin Slaughter

70.               All’s Well That Ends Well – William Shakespeare

71.               Sleep No More – P.D. James

72.               The Mysterious Mr. Quin – Agatha Christie

73.               Inferno – Dan Brown

74.               Keep Her Safe – Sophie Hannah