The truth is, I’ve always felt
unwanted. Unloved. Like I never truly belonged. On bad days, which are most
days, I attributed it to the fact that I was never good enough. On the rare
good days, I attributed it to the fact that I was too good for this world. An
uncut diamond, a misunderstood genius, an enigmatic femme fatale.
Mostly I just went through life
not knowing what my purpose is. And then you came along. And then I had a
purpose. If nothing else, you gave me a reason to live. You loved me for no
reason. Just because. No matter what I did, what I looked like, what mood I was
in, you never judged. You just loved. Yours was the kind of love that no human
could ever give. I couldn’t help loving you right back. Unconditionally. That’s
the only kind of love worth living for.
And then you left. You didn’t even
wait to say goodbye. Maybe you wanted to spare me the heart wrenching ordeal of
a last goodbye. Maybe you wanted it over and done with so that I could start
grieving instead of still hoping. Maybe you were just too tired to fight
anymore. Maybe anything. Maybe nothing.
All I know is you’re gone and I’m
purposeless again. I know not what I do, nor why. I know I have to let you go
but it’s so hard. I’m not ready. I wasn’t ready to lose you. I thought we still
had a long way to go, so many more memories to make together, so many more
years of being loved and wanted. You were always so full of life, till the very
end. Such a happy, joyful, free spirit! So ALIVE!
And yet, no more.
