A song for me

For you, I was just a toy that you could play with when you were bored.

For me, you were the one person that I wanted to spend every moment with.

You loved with the knowledge that we will never be together.

I loved with the hope that we will be together forever.

You wanted someone to fulfil your physical needs.

I wanted someone to fulfil my soul.

You were good to me.

But only when it was convenient for you.

You said you would take care of me when I’m old.

So who will take care of me now?

You told me to wait.

But there is nothing to wait for.

You said you love me.

I know now that you lied.

Love should matter.

But I don’t matter to you.

I am again broken, defeated, alone, in grief.

I am pitiful to you, unloved by you.

And yet it’s still so hard to walk away.

But I must do it.

It’s a battle between you and me.

And I choose me.

I will always choose me.

I say nothing

There are a million things that I want to say to you right now. About how you used me. About how you manipulated every situation to your advantage. About how I let you manipulate me in the name of love. About how you twisted everything around to make it my fault. About how you made me feel worthless. About how you continuously, consistently and persistently broke my heart over and over again. About how many times you made me cry until I had no tears left, until there was nothing left of me. About how you pretended to love me to get all you could out of me. About how you were always too busy to help me out but never too busy to reap the rewards at my expense. About how you treated me like a stray dog that you handed out scraps to for charity or for sport, and I was supposed to be grateful to you for it. About how you almost destroyed me.

Instead. I say nothing.

Revenge is sweet

You hurt me years ago. You said things to me that I will never forget. You deliberately said those things to break me. And it did. I was broken for a while. Down and out.

But strangely, those same words also awakened a restless, primitive spirit in me that was lying dormant somewhere in me, buried by years of societal pressure and rules of civilisation. If not for those words, your words, I may never have found this spirit again, this spirit which I now know as the real me. So I will never forget your words to me.

I forgave you. But I never forgot.

And now you need my help. It is laughable, really. Revenge is sweet. I could use your own words against you now, and I know it will hurt you just as much as it hurt me. I could just laugh at your plea. I could tell you to go to hell. I could explain to you why I will not help you.

Instead, I just ignore you. This is not because of some altruistic motive on my part. I ignore you because the truth is, you’re just not worth my time anymore.