Nothing worth fighting for

Now more than ever I keep telling myself that when I have been wronged, or falsely accused, or framed, or betrayed, or whatever else of an unfair nature, I should just walk away because it’s not worth it. There’s no point getting upset or angry or even disappointed because the only person who will be suffering is me. I should just let it go. Forgive and if I’m lucky, forget.

What’s the saying by Confucius? “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig 2 graves.” Something like that. Or maybe said by someone else.

My question is, if I should just walk away from everything because letting go is in fact beneficial to me, does that mean there is nothing worth fighting for? Does that mean I should just accept whatever comes my way without question, without standing up for myself, without standing my ground?

If nothing is worth fighting for, is there any real reason to live at all? Surely life is also not worth fighting for?

Quantum physics and me

In quantum physics, every particle is said to have an anti-particle. When a particle meets an anti-particle, they cancel each other out. What is left is matter – everything that we see and touch and feel.

I have my own personalized theory. The anti-thesis of love is not only hate, but also conditional love. So when someone says I love you BUT, that is not really love.

My parents love me but they love my brothers more. Philip loves me but not enough to want to marry me. My dogs love me but not if I don’t feed them. My friends love me but only at their convenience. But. Always but. Unconditionally but.

In conclusion, hate + conditional love = anti-love. When love meets anti-love, they cancel each other out.

So what is left? Do I exist when no one loves me? Do I bother living when no one cares? Do I matter (pun intended)?

Books read in 2016

I must've been really free in 2016 - this is really a record for me and I don't think I can top this:

1.         The Thirteen Problems - Agatha Christie

2.         Last Mysteries of the World - Reader's Digest

3.         The Monogram Murders - Sophie Hannah

4.         The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole - Sue Townsend

5.         Ghostwritten - Isabel Wolff

6.         Stranded - Val McDermid

7.         4.50 from Paddington - Agatha Christie

8.         The Purity of Vengeance - Jussi Adler-Olsen

9.         Big Little Lies - Liane Moriarty

10.       An Event in Autumn - Henning Mankell

11.       An Acceptable Sacrifice - Jeffrey Deaver (short story)

12.       Pronghorns of the Third Reich - C. J. Box (short story)

13.       The Book of Virtue -  Ken Bruen (short story)

14.       The Book of Ghosts - Reed Farrel Coleman (short story)

15.       The Secret in their Eyes - Eduardo Sacheri

16.       The Final Testament - Peter Blauner (short story)

17.       What's in a Name? - Thomas H. Cook (short story)

18.       Book Club - Loren D. Estleman (short story)

19.       The Girl on the Train - Paula Hawkins

20.       Death Leaves a Bookmark - William Link (short story)

21.       Sandman - Lars Kepler

22.       The Book Thing - Laura Lippman (short story)

23.       The Scroll - Anne Perry (short story)

24.       It's in the Book - Mickey Spillane & Max Allan Collins (short story)

25.       The Prince - Nicolo Machiavelli

26.       The Long Sonata of the Dead - Andrew Taylor (short story)

27.       We need to talk about Kevin - Lionel Shriver

28.       The Man from Beijing - Henning Mankell

29.       Rides a Stranger - David Bell (short story)

30.       The Caxton Lending Library & Book Depository - John Connolly (short story)

31.       The Book Case - Nelson DeMille (short story)

32.       Heirs to Forgotten Kingdoms - Gerard Russell

33.       Liar Liar - M. J. Arlidge

34.       Bujang Valley - V. Nadarajan

35.       We are all completely beside ourselves - Karen Joy Fowler

36.       Mein Kampf - Adolf Hitler

37.       Splinter the Silence - Val McDermid

38.       Guilt Trip - Val McDermid (short story)

39.       The Mirror Cracked From Side to Side - Agatha Christie

40.       Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

41.       Through the Looking-Glass and what Alice found there - Lewis Carroll

42.       The Girl You Left Behind - Jojo Moyes

43.       Italian Shoes - Henning Mankell

44.       Stalker - Lars Kepler

45.       Malarky - Anakana Schofield

46.       The Seven Dials Mystery - Agatha Christie

47.       Keep You Close - Lucie Whitehouse

48.       Cover Her Face - P. D. James

49.       The Vegetarian - Han Kang

50.       The Year of the Rat – Clare Furniss

51.       The Bitter Season - Tami Hoag

52.       The Widow – Fiona Barton

53.       Cat Among the Pigeons – Agatha Christie (re-read)

54.       A Game For All The Family – Sophie Hannah

55.       The Sittaford Mystery – Agatha Christie (re-read)

56.       Saladin – John Man

57.       Benefitting ourselves and others – Venerable Yin-Shun

58.       Family Life – Akhil Sharma

59.       Message of the Buddha – Venerable Dhammavuddho Thero

60.       The Old Man and the Sea – Ernest Hemingway (re-read)

61.       The Bunker Diary – Kevin Brooks

62.       The Man in the Brown Suit – Agatha Christie

63.       A Mind to Murder – P. D. James

64.       A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing – Eimear McBride

65.       True Confessions of Adrian Albert Mole – Sue Townsend

66.       The Illiad – Homer

67.       Landline – Rainbow Rowell

68.       At Bertram’s Hotel – Agatha Christie

69.       The History Book – Penguin Random House (publishers)

70.       The Odyssey – Homer

71.       Candide or, All for the Best (1759) – Voltaire

72.       The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus – Christopher Marlowe

73.       They do it with Mirrors – Agatha Christie (re-read)

74.       Reminiscences of the Cuban Revolutionary War – Ernesto Che Guevara

75.       Crooked House – Agatha Christie (re-read)

76.       A Brief History of Time – Stephen Hawking (the most complicated book I’ve ever read in my life!)

77.       A Pocketful of Rye – Agatha Christie (re-read)