It is real

Suicide. Some people will never understand why. All they will say is, “what should she be depressed about – she has friends, family, career, money – what else does she want?” As if someone else’s problems are not as big as, or perhaps even smaller, than their own problems. But it doesn’t work that way. Depression is a disease of the mind. Because it has no physical symptoms, a lot of people assume there is nothing wrong. They may be right – physically there may be nothing wrong, but the turmoil that goes on in your mind can sometimes be more dangerous than a heart attack. You see the news and watch people dying in plane crashes and in wars, and of course you empathize with all the pain and suffering but at the back of your mind, you are thinking, “all those people who died had lives to look forward to, and yet they died. I have nothing to look forward to, and yet I live.” And then you decide maybe God made a mistake, and you have to do what God forgot to do. Maybe if you died, someone else who wants to live will get to live and not be a casualty of war or plane crashes. And you can forget about getting any help. When a suicide happens, people will always say, “if only I’d known, I’d have listened to her, spent more time with her,” but that are all lies. You can walk around with a billboard saying “I need help” lit up in neon lights but no one will listen to you when you need them to. They will think you’re joking, you’re being dramatic, you’re seeking attention. Of course, some will tell you to get professional help. Do you really have to pay someone to listen to you? What does that say about yourself, your social skills, your ability to have “friends”? That’s just another reason to kill yourself, if you ask me. In the end, you can only rely on yourself. But when you feel you are not good enough, even to yourself you are not good enough, then what do you do?