Here I am again, on the fringes of depression, for
diametrically different reasons! It seems that the universe is intent on seeing
me completely destroyed. Not just destroyed, but annihilated – chopped up,
chewed up, swallowed, spit out, repeat from chopped up and do not stop until all
that’s left is dust and ashes.
Why like that? I’m trying to do the right thing here. I’m
trying to be happy. I’m trying to live. Give us a chance already! I read somewhere
that God does not give you any obstacle that you cannot overcome. In other
words, because He knows you can handle it, He gives you this obstacle. No
offence, God, but this is nonsense. Why any obstacles at all? I don’t disturb
anyone, why must people disturb me?
It occurred to me the other day that my closest friends are
my oldest friends – from primary school (yes primary school!), secondary school
and university. They’re still sticking around. So I can’t be that bad, right?
No. I’m not that bad. All things considered, I am actually a nice person. It’s
the people or circumstances around me that turn me into a monster. And then I
get blamed for everything, “she’s got a temper”, “she’s like that lah”, “she’s
rude”, “she’s crazy”. Not to sound like a child but hello! Who started it??
When I retaliate, in self defence, it’s then my fault. Am I to just accept
everything including the kitchen sink when it’s thrown at me? Take it lying
down?
I refuse. I insist on fighting back. So go ahead, give me
your best shot, kick me while I’m down. I will still win in the end. You know
why? From now on I’m going to live on MY OWN TERMS. No exceptions.
